What is Marriage? As Mal from Inception puts it, “How could you understand? Do you know what it is like to be a lover? To be half of a whole?”
Well, I'm trying to understand. And I came to understand it this way:
Marriage is a union, a bond of two halves - male and female, yin and yang. We are born incomplete. A single man is incomplete. So is a single woman. We must search for our other half and bond with him or her to feel whole.
To me, marriage is simple like two people building a bridge together across a small river. Each person has tools he/she uses to build that bridge. When the idea of building a bridge is compared to the idea of building a marriage, the bridge is the marriage. The goal of building a bridge is to complete it and cross the river together. The goal of a happily married couple is to complete the marriage and grow old together. The tools are a hammer, fifty pieces of wood and nails each person. When combined, they add up to one hundred pieces. The hammer can represent the heart or mind of each partner. The wood and nails can represent the behaviors of each individual, money or materialistic things. Each partner has to do his or her part, if both are to get across the river. They have to complete that bridge together. And when they complete that bridge, and get across to the other side of the river, their marriage is complete. From Inception, “Because you’ll be together,” as Cobb puts it, and Mal confirms, “You said we grow old together.” A lazy partner that stops hammering the nails and woods is like the person who's not doing his/her part in the marriage. Throwing one's hammer away is like cheating on his/her partner. Throwing one's hammer away is like falling in love with someone else. Without the hammer, one cannot hammer the nails to the wood. Without one's heart and mind, one cannot continue the marriage.
So there are two people, two hammers, two stack of wood and two boxes of nails. While building that bridge, if one partner becomes irresponsible and drops a piece of wood or a nail into the river, the chance of completing that bridge is decreased by 1% out of 100 %. Now, the other partner will become upset. Maybe it’s only one piece of wood or one nail. He or she can easily forgive the partner for it, and asks him/her to stop. But if one partner’s irresponsibility continues, the other partner will become more and more unsatisfied and uncertain if he/she wants to continue building this bridge. That’s when doubts and a change of heart start to come in. Let’s say the irresponsible partner accidentally drops like 10 pieces of wood and a handful of nails. The other partner sees this and becomes very unsatisfied. Now, he or she purposely drops some of his/hers. “You know what, fine! Since you don’t want to complete this bridge. Let me drop some of mine and see how you’ll feel about it,” detests the angry partner. Now, the careless partner becomes upset too because he or she didn’t purposely drop his/her wood and nails. But due to the fact that he or she continues making those irresponsible habits, the other partner can no longer put up with them.
Almost half of their wood and nails are now at the bottom of the river, there is no way they can complete this bridge. Either one partner or both quit/give up. If one unhappy partner quits, the other cannot continue. And each has to wait and search for a new partner like searching for a new wife/husband. Starts all over again from day one. In marriage that is divorce. One partner's irresponsible spending of money is like dropping the wood and nails into the river. Money is one of the biggest factor in divorce. One partner's careless behavior is like dropping the wood and nails. It will not be long before the other partner can't take it anymore.
Marriage is like building a bridge. Each partner has to do his/her part. Both partners have to have the same objectives, dreams and goals in the marriage. Meaning both partners have to be willing to work things out, communicate, take responsibility in order to complete their marriage. Both partners have to have effective communication. Both partners have to listen to each other. Admit wrong when you are wrong. There is no shame in admitting wrong. Be honest and sincere. Each partner has to ask him/herself these questions: "Do I deserve my wife? Do I deserve my husband? If not, what shall I improve about myself to deserve him/her? How am I treating her? How is he/she treating me? If he/she doesn't deserve me, what can I do to help my partner improve him/herself? And when he/she tries to help me, I should listen." When I say "deserve", I'm not talking about physical beauty or qualities. I'm talking about personal qualities such as character, how one treats the other, respect for the other partner and love for one another etc.
Well, I'm trying to understand. And I came to understand it this way:
Marriage is a union, a bond of two halves - male and female, yin and yang. We are born incomplete. A single man is incomplete. So is a single woman. We must search for our other half and bond with him or her to feel whole.
To me, marriage is simple like two people building a bridge together across a small river. Each person has tools he/she uses to build that bridge. When the idea of building a bridge is compared to the idea of building a marriage, the bridge is the marriage. The goal of building a bridge is to complete it and cross the river together. The goal of a happily married couple is to complete the marriage and grow old together. The tools are a hammer, fifty pieces of wood and nails each person. When combined, they add up to one hundred pieces. The hammer can represent the heart or mind of each partner. The wood and nails can represent the behaviors of each individual, money or materialistic things. Each partner has to do his or her part, if both are to get across the river. They have to complete that bridge together. And when they complete that bridge, and get across to the other side of the river, their marriage is complete. From Inception, “Because you’ll be together,” as Cobb puts it, and Mal confirms, “You said we grow old together.” A lazy partner that stops hammering the nails and woods is like the person who's not doing his/her part in the marriage. Throwing one's hammer away is like cheating on his/her partner. Throwing one's hammer away is like falling in love with someone else. Without the hammer, one cannot hammer the nails to the wood. Without one's heart and mind, one cannot continue the marriage.
So there are two people, two hammers, two stack of wood and two boxes of nails. While building that bridge, if one partner becomes irresponsible and drops a piece of wood or a nail into the river, the chance of completing that bridge is decreased by 1% out of 100 %. Now, the other partner will become upset. Maybe it’s only one piece of wood or one nail. He or she can easily forgive the partner for it, and asks him/her to stop. But if one partner’s irresponsibility continues, the other partner will become more and more unsatisfied and uncertain if he/she wants to continue building this bridge. That’s when doubts and a change of heart start to come in. Let’s say the irresponsible partner accidentally drops like 10 pieces of wood and a handful of nails. The other partner sees this and becomes very unsatisfied. Now, he or she purposely drops some of his/hers. “You know what, fine! Since you don’t want to complete this bridge. Let me drop some of mine and see how you’ll feel about it,” detests the angry partner. Now, the careless partner becomes upset too because he or she didn’t purposely drop his/her wood and nails. But due to the fact that he or she continues making those irresponsible habits, the other partner can no longer put up with them.
Almost half of their wood and nails are now at the bottom of the river, there is no way they can complete this bridge. Either one partner or both quit/give up. If one unhappy partner quits, the other cannot continue. And each has to wait and search for a new partner like searching for a new wife/husband. Starts all over again from day one. In marriage that is divorce. One partner's irresponsible spending of money is like dropping the wood and nails into the river. Money is one of the biggest factor in divorce. One partner's careless behavior is like dropping the wood and nails. It will not be long before the other partner can't take it anymore.
Marriage is like building a bridge. Each partner has to do his/her part. Both partners have to have the same objectives, dreams and goals in the marriage. Meaning both partners have to be willing to work things out, communicate, take responsibility in order to complete their marriage. Both partners have to have effective communication. Both partners have to listen to each other. Admit wrong when you are wrong. There is no shame in admitting wrong. Be honest and sincere. Each partner has to ask him/herself these questions: "Do I deserve my wife? Do I deserve my husband? If not, what shall I improve about myself to deserve him/her? How am I treating her? How is he/she treating me? If he/she doesn't deserve me, what can I do to help my partner improve him/herself? And when he/she tries to help me, I should listen." When I say "deserve", I'm not talking about physical beauty or qualities. I'm talking about personal qualities such as character, how one treats the other, respect for the other partner and love for one another etc.