On one occasion many years ago, one evening my father wanted to go hunting in the morning but my mother wouldn't allow him. They had a long talk in bed that night. She needed him to stay home and help her with a little garden that she had started. He got angry and they quarreled all night. He wouldn't listen to her. In the morning, he left. She woke up to an empty bed and was upset he left without her knowledge. She couldn't do anything and went back to bed.
She woke up again later and complained to her father and mother-in-law, who lived in another house behind theirs. Since my father was the only son with three sisters, he usually had things done his way. He had no brother and was spoiled and selfish. Even in his adulthood and old age, I can still see this selfishness in him. My mother told her in-laws that their son wouldn't listen to her. He kept going hunting even when she needed his help. And it was a dangerous business going hunting in the mountains. Often you were all alone. Someone could purposely or mistakenly took you for a deer and shoot you; this she feared. According to my mother's recollection, after she had finished complaining to them about her husband, her mother-in-law remained quiet. She didn't utter a word. But her father-in-law groaned one word "Hmm...!" Clearly, he was displeased with his son's selfish behavior. With that deep ominous groan, my mother awoke and realized she just had a dream. She couldn't get her husband to stop going hunting, so in her dream she had wished she could tell her in-laws about their son in the hope that they would be able to convince him to stop. Psychologically, in her mind she had wished her in-laws were still alive so she had someone to turn to for counsel. It's unfortunate her in-laws passed away two decades ago. My grandmother had passed away in 1987 when I was barely six; that was about twenty nine years ago. My grandfather passed away in 1997, ten years after his wife had gone. My father and his father did not have a good father-son relationship. After the Vietnam War, when my father fled to Thailand, his father refused come with him. He never wanted to leave Laos, the country where he was born. He said, "Dead or alive, I will remain here. You are not my only son. I still have others." His words made my father disappointed; he knew his father no longer loved him, according to my mother's recollection whenever she mentioned our family stories. My father couldn't make his father leave with him. His father had two wives. His mother was the first wife, but because she couldn't bear many sons, his dad wanted more sons and married a second wife and had three more sons - the half-brothers that his father was counting on. Both my father's mother and step-mother passed had away two years earlier -- one after another by a year apart. His father had become lonely. But he was a stubborn old man and a chronic opium smoker. He rarely got off his opium bed, and this could have been a reason he didn't want to come along. Maybe he saw himself as a burden to flee to Thailand with his son's family or maybe he just couldn't part his opium. Leaving would mean throwing away his opium gear. Fleeing from Laos to Thailand after the Vietnam War as refugees meant taking risks of getting shot by the military. One would need to pack lightly -- just the essentials of food and clothes. One would need to be as stealthy and as quiet as possible. My father's dad couldn't do that because he would have to pack all his opium-smoking gear. It meant he would be smoking opium along the journey and painted a target on their backs because anyone could smell opium fume from a mile away. So he'd chose to stay behind. I find it ironic. History repeated itself here. The same had happened to our clan's great, great, great grandfather when he fled from China to Laos in the 1800s. If you don't about Hmong people, our ancestors usually live and stick together in clans. There are 18 clans in the Hmong diaspora. Many Hmong people in the USA still live like that. My father once told me that his great, great, grandfather left his family in China and immigrated to Laos with two of his best friends. I find this very common in most families who do not get along especially father-and-son or brother-and-brother relationship. When there is no more love between them, they leave each other. One goes far away. That is the way life is, and it's sad thinking about it. Five hours after my mother had that dream, my father came home at noon. Usually when he went hunting, he would camp overnight for the next two days. My mother was surprised he came back home earlier than usual, and it was unlike him. She asked, "You just left this morning, why'd come back home?" "My ear was hurting badly. I couldn't take it anymore." He replied. My mother just smiled to herself. Deep inside, she was glad my father came back home. She knew exactly what had happened. She knew her father-in-law had given his selfish son an earful. That was why his ear was hurting and he couldn't bear anymore. He made his son come home. |
AuthorAmateur blogger. Screenwriter/Director and Free Thinker. Archives
July 2018
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